My Turn

Whose turn is it? Mine? Yours? Do we have to take turns in life?

When we play a game we each get a turn. But when it comes to life when do we get our turn? Some feel that they must wait for their turn to be. Some may feel that they must grab their turn from someone else. Others believe that they are entitled to an unlimited turn without ever stepping aside to allow someone else the space.

When we place the needs of others ahead of our own, we may feel that we are relinquishing our turn to them. Supporting the needs of others can become a habit. When it means that our own needs become either put on hold or ignored, it becomes an issue when we finally say, "Hey! It's my turn now!"

Those who have been supported may react with surprise. They may have felt that we were just as happy as they were with the situation. Perhaps they were correct, for we did choose our position and the role. Perhaps they did not realize that reciprocity was expected. Perhaps they felt that their appreciation was understood without it being articulated.

The reason that we are taught to take turns is because everyone cannot be center stage all the time. Someone has to clap and cheer, to encourage, to appreciate and to acknowledge. It is important to learn how not only to enter the limelight of life with grace but also to be able to applaud the identity and efforts of others.

When we realize that we are all connected by our inner greatness it becomes easier to appreciate the growth and success of those around us without it seeming to take away from our own. It is so easy to clap and cheer for others when we feel that our own efforts are recognized as well. When we feel that who we are and what we do goes unnoticed or is taken for granted it becomes more difficult.

There are some who simply take a "me first" attitude and position and refuse to acknowledge others unless there is something in it for them.

There are some who lavish recognition and then withdraw it in order to control others.

It is interesting that many are comfortable with a balanced exchange of "turns" in both the limelight and in the audience with people that they know more superficially. The closer we get to seeing each other as complex beings the more vulnerable each of us becomes to our own complexities being visible.

The truth is that as long as we live we are always involved in taking our own turn. The changing roles that we play in life are part of the changing face that is our turn. They are important for our development as balanced human beings, to gain insight and awareness, empathy and compassion. We may realize that regardless of our complexities whether positive or less than positive, we are still worthy and entitled to be treated with dignity and respect.

Rather than thinking of life as a board game of taking turns, of winning and losing, we might think of it instead as a relay race. We may be handed a baton of limelight for a time, then we pass it along to another teammate and promote that effort. We must pass that baton along in order to receive the next one that we are to carry which may be very different than the last. During the time we are cheering someone else on we have the time to rest and reflect, to recharge, refine and redefine ourselves. We are still taking our turn.

This simple difference in perspectives can change the focus of life from a competition with others to one of connection - we are all part of the team of humanity, racing toward a finish line that we define and redefine with our attitudes and our level of insight and awareness.

Anticipate a great day. It's Yours!

Gail Pursell Elliott ©2003